Episode 59. Fat Boss.

I don't need this. It's fair to say that I'm not a BMX fan. I do own one that I call my own, and I have probably the best part of a dozen or so being reclaimed by nature in my back yard, but I'm not a fan. I guess that some of the reason that I'm not a fan is that I never had one back in the day. I kinda missed the whole BMX thing I went from Raleigh Chopper, to a Halfords Turbo, which was Halfords version of the Raleigh Bomber, but probably not quite as nice! So its safe to say that I don't really look for them. Today as I walked through the recreation ground behind BelongaClint there were some chaps there picking up all the rubbish and other junk that had been abandonned in the field, and propped up against the fence was this...


Now to me it didn't look to be in too bad shape, and with the exception of a pair of wheels it would appear to be all there. I didn't give it much attention, but I thought that the saddle was in good shape, and would suit the previously mentioned Daewoo Genius, and actually, although I had no use (currently) for the chainring It's a bit better looking than some of the chainrings I've got, erm, which I also have no use for! Stupidly I asked the fellas who were picking up the rubbish what was going to happen to it. It's going in the bin was the reply. So I asked if I could take the saddle off it. They replied by saying I could have the saddle as long as I took the rest of it as well! I thought, fair enough, I wanted that chainring anyway! I picked it up, crikey that thing is heavy! So heavy infact that I suspect that it is made from solid bar rather than tube! I carried it a half mile or so to my workshop, and by the time I got there I really thought my arms were going to drop off! As I walked along I thought that I was just going to take the bits I wanted, and then dump the rest, but then I got to thinking that if I had some 20" wheels another saddle and a chainring, why not make it complete, and then sell it! I was fairly sure I had a set of 20" wheels in my stash somewhere!


Back at my workshop I gave the saddle a good look over. It wasn't too scuffed, and had no rips or tears, it wasn't even waterlogged which was a nice change for me! Now, I've often wondered about the purpose of a saddle with a hole in it like this, I know the general consensus of opinion says that when riders sit on a classic saddle with a teardrop shape and a long nose, a quarter of their body weight rests on the nose, putting pressure on the perineum. The amount of oxygen reaching the penis typically falls 70 percent to 80 percent in three minutes. A guy can sit on a saddle and have his penis oxygen levels drop 100 percent but he doesn't know it, and after half an hour or so he goes numb in man-land. I must admit I've had this on some bikes! The studies add to earlier evidence that traditional bicycle saddles, the kind with a narrow rear and pointy nose, play a role in sexual impotence, and the more a person rides, the greater the risk of impotence or loss of libido. Which doesn't sound good to me. To combat this manufacturers designed dozens of new saddles with cut outs, splits in the back and thick gel padding to relieve pressure on tender body parts. As I said the area in question is the perineum, and by all accounts when you sit on a bike you increase pressure on the perineum. In men, a sheath in the perineum, called Alcock's canal, contains an artery and a nerve that supply the penis with blood and sensation. The canal runs along the side of a bone, and when a cyclist sits hard on a narrow saddle, the artery and the nerve are compressed. Over time, a reduction of blood flow can mean that there is not enough pressure to achieve full erection. Hmm, not had any trouble with that before, but I don't really like the sound of it! It's all very well cycling to try to stay fit and healthy, but if 'Vlad the impaler' doesn't work, what am I staying healthy for? Anyway, this all adds up to the idea being that saddles like this have splits in the back or holes in the center to relieve pressure on the perineum... Well, I don't know about that, and to be fair theres a fair chance that its propaganda put about by the saddle manufacturers to sell a few seats! Having said that, I have experienced that numbness after a ride of an hour or so, so really what do I have to lose? If nothing else it will help with the expulsion of toxic gasses created by too many sprouts, so it's probably a good thing!


As I had to bring the whole thing home I figured that I might as well take the chainring off too, and probably swap it for something a little less interesting to look at. Before long I had rummaged through my stash, found a chainring to swap, and even a pair of wheels for the thing, and I was stood there looking at this...


Which I didn't think was too shabby for a freebie! I just needed to find a saddle as all the ones I had just looked a little bit too big for it. In the end I had to admit defeat and risk another trip to the tip to see what I could liberate.


As luck would have it there was a childrens bike in the skip waiting to go for recycling, and so with the aid of a long pole I hooked it out, and removed the saddle. Back at BelongaClint I fitted the thing and stood back to view my handywork.


I've got to say, that although I'm no BMX fan, I was quite pleased with my mornings work. I can't say that I've ridden it, because the last time I rode a BMX my perineum was absolutely fine, but I some how managed to trap my sciatic nerve really badly. I've never had sciatica as badly as I did that time and litterally hobbled around in quite a lot of discomfort for nearly a month. So I really wasn't all that keen to try to ride this one!


All in all though it should be a decent enough bike for someone. It does need a bit of fettling, and really if you wanted it to be perfect you'd probably splurge for some new cables. But it is all there, and if you just wanted to ride it then I think you could without any drama! One thing I will say though is that I don't think you would ever break this frame. Honestly the tubing it is made from is so heavy duty that it's probably indestructable. I have wondered why you don't see as many kids out on their bikes as you did when I was a kid in the 70's and 80's. After putting this thing together my feeling is that they don't go out riding them because they're just too damn heavy! But having said all that, I do think that this frame would never need welding. Unlike the bikes I had when I was a kid that needed to be regularly welded back together. I don't know, perhaps I was just too hard on them, but one things for sure, no matter how I rode this thing, I'd never break it! So there it is, one BMX saved from being turned into baked bean tins, and ready to be re-released on the street again. The only question I have remaining is...


Who names these things?

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